Oh, the Cleverness of me!

Oh, the cleverness of me!

229,142 notes

(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
Angry Customer:
“Damn f**s.”
Gay Man:
“Excuse me?”
Angry Customer:
“You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
Gay Man:
*quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
Angry Customer:
“Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
Angry Customer:
*to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
Owner:
“I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
Wife:
“Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
Owner:
“Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

87 notes

missymalone90:

Natürlich darf auch @lovelybooks nicht in meinem Filofax fehlen! #filofax #filofaxing #filofaxlove #filofaxaddict #beautyrellasfilofaxerei

missymalone90:

Natürlich darf auch @lovelybooks nicht in meinem Filofax fehlen! #filofax #filofaxing #filofaxlove #filofaxaddict #beautyrellasfilofaxerei

0 notes

Driving Out Of My Work Parking Lot

The Guy Who is Not My Boyfriend Driving Behind Me:
OOOOOOhhhhhh! Nice Ass!!
Me:
Shut up! We are at work!
The Guy Who is Not My Boyfriend Driving Behind Me:
I believe we just left. I hope I see that ass tomorrow! "honk honk" OOOOOOhhhhh girl!!!! MMMMMmmhhhh girl, turn that ass, just how I like it. You better stop at that red light. Oh right there.
Me:
Tom. Go home. Go to bed. You have worked too hard this week.
Tom, not my boyfriend:
Did you say too hard?
Me:
BYYYYYEEEEEEE!!! I'll see YOUR ASS tomorrow
Tom:
(fit of laughter)

Filed under this is my life why me you're too hot stop now fuck

0 notes

Trying to get a guy to match with you so you can look cute together is so fucking hard. 

"Here is the color of my dress"

"So I’m going to get a bow tie in this color"

"That’s nice but that’s the opposite of what I’m looking for…"

439,659 notes

toxicninjapenguin:

nyeheggers:

ashkenazi-autie:

strawberry-bounce:

The real world.

This is from That’s So Raven, where Chelsea and Raven apply to work at the same clothing shop. Chelsea is white; Raven is black. Chelsea gets the job, despite being utterly horrible at it, while Raven, who has a deep interest in fashion and knows how to handle clothes, does not. The girls find this deeply suspicious, so Chelsea wears a hat with a camera on it and questions the employer. The employer admits what she does in the gif above and Chelsea and Raven submit the footage to a news station.

And THAT is why That’s So Raven is the best TV show ever.

That’s not even the only reason why it was the best show ever

toxicninjapenguin:

nyeheggers:

ashkenazi-autie:

strawberry-bounce:

The real world.

This is from That’s So Raven, where Chelsea and Raven apply to work at the same clothing shop. Chelsea is white; Raven is black. Chelsea gets the job, despite being utterly horrible at it, while Raven, who has a deep interest in fashion and knows how to handle clothes, does not. The girls find this deeply suspicious, so Chelsea wears a hat with a camera on it and questions the employer. The employer admits what she does in the gif above and Chelsea and Raven submit the footage to a news station.

And THAT is why That’s So Raven is the best TV show ever.

That’s not even the only reason why it was the best show ever

(via mickeymousemania)